Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
