I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
