Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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