im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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