My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
