I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
