I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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