She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
