You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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