Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So many bounce houses so little time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
