there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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