What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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