Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
