hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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