Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize