Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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