This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
