i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
