I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
