turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
