i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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