So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
