I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
