My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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