"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
