no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
