my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
