eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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