her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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