Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
