at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
