ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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