apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
