Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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