he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
