Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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