I haven't been this sober since birth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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