New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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