Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
