names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
