Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I party with great urgency now.
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