Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
