this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
