My underwear smells like fireworks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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