I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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