Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can you bring me the toilet please
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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