I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That was before I lit my hair on fire
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
