dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
