i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
