I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
