I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im part way to drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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