i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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