all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
