Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
