with your own penis?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
