I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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