I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You've changed since you got that strap on
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize