it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
