I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think my vagina is haunted
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
