I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
