Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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