I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
