She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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